Wholehearted

 
 

Today marks the 50 day countdown which means in just a little over a month and a half I move to Lausanne, Switzerland to begin the Ministry and Leadership Development (MLD) program at YWAM Lausanne. Thanks to people’s generous support I have my one way ticket, and am in the midst of support raising to hit my goal of $800 committed monthly support by December 15th.

I have a handy app that reminds me of how many days there are until my life changes significantly.  In my mind I know that is a very close time, but it also feels far off because life is so full here in Minnesota. Last weekend I attended a women’s conference at my church where the topic was Wholeheartedness. There were some great questions that stuck in my mind this week:

  • "What keeps up from being wholehearted? Is it perfectionism, comparison, fear of failure, fear of rejection, or need for control?
  • "Are the things you’re putting your energy towards doing anything to make your life more joyful?”
  • “What does it look like to let go of expectations from ourselves and from others and live wholeheartedly as a response to God?”

The first question struck me and made me realize my tendency for not being wholehearted is often linked to living too much in the future. I'm a planner, I like to be organized and prepared for what's coming next. The silly thing is then, if I'm expecting a big change I can feel myself slowing backing away, withdrawing from the present, living halfheartedly. Looking back though, the times I appreciate the most are when I was all in, totally present, not thinking or dreading change. Those moments, the people, place, setting, and mood...I wish I could capture and pin on a bulletin board to stay that way forever.

One of the best lessons learned of my 20's so far has been to walk through life transitions well. Life is ever changing, and we usually don't get major warnings before things shift. A friend moves away. A group dynamic shifts. A certain rhythm get interrupted. Remembering those things helps keep me laser focused, and filled with gratitude. Saying no is okay. Resting is okay. Putting time aside for joy filled things and not just necessary things is okay.  I love to be productive and get things done, my to-do lists are usually endless. But God has given me the exact amount of time needed for what He intends for me to accomplish.