If I knew the future I would run screaming in the opposite direction…
That thought came to mind the other day, when I was looking back and thinking, “if I had known, if I had known…” Thinking back to July 2017 running down the stairs in a train station resulting in injuring my foot, I had no idea the future would include 15 months of walking in pain, then 3+ months recovering from foot surgery. If I had known that prior to my trip to Asia, I probably would have just said “nah, I’m good, I don’t need to go.” Or if I had known that future, maybe I would have turned around running in the opposite direction while screaming.
One of the verses I have been reminded of lately is Matthew 6:34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
It’s a funny thing then, I often want to know the future but what experiences would I say no to if I knew what challenges they would lead to? If each day has enough trouble of its own, I definitely do not have the capacity right this moment for all the troubles of tomorrow, and the many tomorrows after that. The other thing I realized is that I’m not that ‘tomorrow Hannah’ yet. Taking things day by day I change and grow, and hopefully grow into a greater capacity to walk through challenging things. If I knew what the future held 5, 10, 15 years from now, I would probably be aghast at all that would happen in that time. But those moments are for Hannah 5, 10, 15 years from now.
Another verse that came to my mind is Proverbs 16:9 “The mind of man plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.” This was certainly not my plan but this time really has been filled with peace in many hard and painful moments. I can see all the good that has come out of it so far, and I know that is special people in the midst of challenging moments we don’t always get to see purpose in it.
Just some musings from this healing time.